My fellow readers, I am ashamed to admit that I have failed.
I did not make any significant progress on my reading list during the month of May. Instead, I made it to page 180 (out of 672) in Stephen King’s Hearts in Atlantis. The last time I got stuck on a Stephen King novel was when I was attempting to read Bag of Bones, a book about loss, after experiencing my own heartbreaking loss. But that wasn’t the case this time.
I’ve seen the movie (and enjoyed it), and I know what Hearts in Atlantis is about. So why did I get stuck? Well, as I’m sure you already know by now, the past month of my life has been more chaotic than usual. Without my daily commute to and from work, I’ve lost some of that precious reading time. And thanks to the disruption in my schedule, my sleep problems have returned to harass me. As a result, I’ve hit a mental block when it comes to my hobbies, my writing, my reading, and just about everything else in between.
It’s easy to give yourself a pass for one day if exhaustion takes over. But if you give in to this mental blockage for more than one day, you’re in danger of this becoming a habit. That’s where I am right now. I’m walking the line between wanting to read regularly, and giving in to the potential habit of skipping my nightly reading “just one more time”.
Now, it is absolutely okay to give yourself a break when everything gets to be too much, and I can acknowledge that I really needed the break. But I can’t take a break forever. Now that I’m getting back on top of things and feeling a little more “normal”, I’m determined to finish Hearts in Atlantis before the end of June. And I’m equally determined to make sure that it’s not the only book I read this month. But based on some upcoming plans, it looks like I might be lucky enough to earn myself some extra reading time.
Although I may feel like a failure for not finishing any books during the month of May, it’s important to remind myself that I haven’t actually failed anything. Reading should be enjoyable. It shouldn’t feel like a chore. And I’ve read enough this year so far that I’m currently ahead of the reading goal I set for myself on Goodreads. 4 books ahead of schedule, to be exact. So, I really haven’t failed at all.
This is something Mark reminds me about quite often: just because I feel like a failure, doesn’t mean I actually am. So let this be a reminder to anyone else who might feel like they’re a failure right now: you’re not. If you need to take a break for your overall wellbeing, do it. If you need to get yourself into a better headspace, that’s okay. Just work on those good habits and keep doing your best. And yes, I acknowledge that I am the biggest hypocrite when I say things like this, so do as I say, not as I do.
Happy reading!
