After last year’s early start to my Spooktober Movie Marathon, is it any wonder I found an excuse to start early again this year? It was driving me crazy avoiding horror movies for the bulk of September so I could save them for October. But then, when Mark told me he would be out all day on my day off, the thought of a spooky movie marathon became irresistible. So buckle up, because we’ve got a month of movie reviews, and then some!
White Noise (2005): After watching The Grudge (2004) at a friend’s birthday party the year before, it became clear that horror movie sleepovers were THE type of birthday party. I was please that I picked out a movie for my own party that had ghosts but didn’t scare me too much. Now, as an adult, this movie does not scare me at all, but it is nowhere near as good as I thought it was back then. The bulk of the film is entertaining but that ending is rough.
7 out of 10 Plot Holes
White Noise 2: The Light (2008): Barely 5 minutes into the film I said, “Oof, this is bad.” And it stayed bad for the entire hour and 39 minutes. Not even the familiar faces of actors from some of my favourite tv shows were enough to save this hot mess. But no matter how much I wanted to stop and switch to another movie, I couldn’t look away. And the ending was waaay worse than that of the original.
3 out of 10 Bad Lighting Effects
Restoration (2016): Is anything actually going to happen? Kind of? Even the ominous little happenings don’t do a good job at building suspense. Okay, things might be happening now but… What exactly is happening? There isn’t even a good concept here. It’s just a mess of things stuck together in the hopes that something will stick. Also, this is a total ripoff of The Skeleton Key (2005).
2 out of 10 Suspiciously Nice Neighbours
Shark Side of the Moon (2022): Okay, this is more sci-fi than horror, but I had to watch it. There’s a reason it has such a high rating from audiences on Rotten Tomatoes. No one watches shark themed B-movies for Oscar level brilliance. People watch these movies to have a good time. And boy, was this film a good time. I was expecting many things from this film, but I was not expecting curvaceous, Russian-speaking, boss-ass-bitch shark ladies. This movie was everything I wanted, and then some. And that ending left me speechless!
7 out of 10 Hilarious Headpieces
Unknown Visitor (2019): Finally, a found footage film that won’t make me motion sick! And it’s a unique style of filming that I haven’t come across before. And despite the spatial restrictions, at no point did I find myself wishing for alternate locations or camera angles. The story itself is very simple, and character development is next to non-existent, but I was intrigued enough to keep watching.
5 out of 10 Crappy Handprints
The Rental (2020): At first, I thought this was a slow burn. And then I thought it was boring. I kept waiting for something to happen. Other than infidelity. The horror really only starts to set in two thirds of the way through the movie. And even then, it’s pretty weak by my standards. Until then, it might as well just be a thriller/drama about dysfunctional relationships. At least the dog doesn’t die.
3 out of 10 Broken Hot Tubs
